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02
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1994-04-07
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Tips For Developing A Relationship
We may use the same idea in the last chapter of giving the spotlight
to another with whom we are little, if at all, presently acquainted.
It's easy to see that the mechanics of it is that we all like
attention. A compliment to another, when sincere, is often helpful in
developing a relationship, whether it be at work, with a neighbor near
home or someone at a social gathering.
On the other hand, sometimes it's best not to give a would-be
acquaintance too much of the spotlight, at least in the very
beginning. Some people get nervous when given attention and tend to
introvert, or look too closely at themselves, which makes them
uncomfortable. An alternative would be to make a casual comment to
the would-be acquaintance regarding something of interest in the
immediate environment.
You could say to the person, "my, that's an unusual plant in that
pot." The person may look at what you are talking about and likely
make some form of a return comment of their own. They may as well
turn from you and walk away without uttering a word, but a comment of
some kind from them is more likely since most people like to be
sociable and polite.
At this point, assuming you succeeded in getting a return comment from
the other person, you have opened the way for further conversation.
Maybe at this point the other person would be more comfortable if you
mentioned something about them.
Although everyone likes compliments, and they often produce good
results, it doesn't have to be a compliment. It could as well be
something concerning yourself accompanied by a smile. It could be
simply something like, "this is nice. I haven't been to a party for a
while. It's good to get out and mingle for a change."
When doing the above, whether it be a compliment to the other person
or a comment about ourself, it tends to increase the rapport between
you and the other person. The opposite effect would occur if you saw
someone standing there whom you did not know, you got bashful, turned
and walked away. Have you ever done that? Some of us have, and the
effect it has is not pleasant for the other person.
The other person would feel rejected to one degree or another. They
might frown as you walked away, and might even shake their head in
wonder about what they may have done to offend you.
We all agree that it's much better to speak. The created effects are
much more pleasant for both people to experience. Sometimes it's a
problem of we would like to speak but are in fear that we might get
rejected. Have you ever experienced that? Many of us have at one
time or another.
With a little practice we can take that bold step, if we happen to be
a little timid, and be willing to experience being rejected ourself
without too much damage being done. If we do, we would find that the
part of getting rejected by another happens far less frequently than
the more positive result.
Sometimes it is possible to somewhat assess what sort of mood the
other person is experiencing at the moment. If it's not a good mood,
then another time would be better to speak to them.
I have talked with friends, who have told me they are not bashful, yet
they often experience rejection, and as a result have become shy and
withdrawn regarding their approaching and speaking to others. In
discussing the matter further it was found that they didn't make any
sort of assessment or look at the mood of the person they approached.
The timing is important.
In the next chapter we will explore and discuss some of the finer
points of developing and improving our relationships.
--- End Of Tips ---